Come Back To Me - COMPLETE
by orangeyhairedimmortal
Summary: Edward hated Roy for always badgering him and treating him like a child, knowing full well that he could take care of himself and his brother like an adult. But sometimes just because you can be an adult in some things, doesn't mean you can in others. Making a rash decision like a child at the wrong time could have horrible consequences... and could lead to more rash decisions.
1. Look Past Your Face

**anyone who read the one from before should forget that. i was half asleep while writing the most CRUCIAL PART of the first chapter of this segment. so... this is better**

* * *

Edward ran through the battlefront trying to find Roy. He had an urgent message from the higher ups about the battle he was leading and he needed to get it fast. Usually he wouldn't even be in battle at _all_ but the message was confidential and needed to be hand delivered. For once, although he would deny it until Briggs melted, Edward was glad that he was small. He was able to dart in and out of fallen debris and was pretty unseen by the enemy. He hit behind a large part of a broken building and leaned against it, massaging his lower back from having the crouch down so much. He may have been small, but his red coat didn't help his invisibility if he just stood up and walked.

"I hate battle… War is stupid." He mumbled to himself as he held the letter in his hand. "Stupid colonel…"

Although the war and Roy's leading of it wasn't the colonel's fault, the higher ups thought that having Edward deliver the note would let him know the sense of urgency and also they thought he'd listen to him more than anyone else. Edward could only image what little they knew of the relationship between him and Colonel Bastard. He felt like a child around the man, even though he was, he didn't like feeling like one with him. He had pretty much taken his role as father for Al and done everything for the two of them, so having Roy up his ass all the time made him a little miffed.

An explosion behind the piece of building he was hiding behind made Edward jump and he decided he should probably get a move on before he was blown up.

* * *

Roy was throwing flame streams left and right, taking out soldier after soldier. Drachma really didn't people set up for the power of State Alchemists and so they were dropping like flies. Roy didn't want to be in war again; he thought the he didn't have to when he became a colonel. Not that he liked sitting behind a desk from 9-5, but he'd rather be doing paperwork than watching men get cooked to death and hearing the sounds of horrified screams. This was starting to remind him of Ishval…

He snapped one last time, sending a group of ten down, leaving one alive and turned to his troops behind him.

"You're in the clear! Move ahead!"

Someone repeated his commands and he stayed back, watching the men go deeper into the broken landscape. Buildings upon buildings had been bombed and were now in a state of rubble and disarray.

"Sir!" he heard someone yell at him.

He turned as Fuery ran to him, holding out a piece of paper.

"I just got this through the telecommunication line. They said that Edward is coming up here with an urgent message from the Fuhrer."

"Fullmetal? What the hell do those people think they're doing? He's just a kid!"

"I know, sir, but whatever he has, you'll need to read it."

"Well of course, Fuery, do you think I wouldn't?"

Fuery didn't say anything as Roy turned around and ran back to the small hut that housed telecommunications and the strategy room.

"When did you get that message?"

"Just now but they said he left a half hour ago."

"Just great! And with that bright red coat of his and his weird golden hair and eyes, he's a perfect target."

"Who did you say had weird hair and eyes?"

Roy looked over as Edward was hunched over in the doorway of the hut, looking at him with a smug look. Roy made a face at him.

"Give me whatever it is you're supposed to give me and beat it. You don't need to be out here."

"Yeah, I don't want to either. Here." He said, handing him the envelope.

Roy took it and ripped it open, looking over it. He frowned and then set his jaw.

"I can't believe they sent you out here for _this_."

"What is it?"

"It's telling me to fall back; but they could have just sent it through the radio. Why did they make you come all the way out here?"

"I don't know! I just did what they told me to. Something about you believing it more from me than someone else or whatever."

Roy was infuriated. Why would the army send his youngest subordinate out onto the battlefield with a note so trivial as this? What was their motive? It didn't matter now because he had to go and get his troops and get them to fall back.

"Fuery, tell everyone that we have direction from the Fuhrer to fall back and leave his battle. Fullmetal, you're with me."

"Where are we going?"

"I have to go and cut off the battalion I just sent forward before more men are lost than should be."

"But why can't I stay here?"

"I don't need you and your obvious red coat making us sitting ducks before they realize we're retreating. You've never been in war, it's not a playground."

"Well why the hell would I think it _was_?! I know what war is, Mustang!"

"Not how to act in it, obviously. Just come on, we're wasting time."

Roy went to find a Jeep to go to the front of the line.

* * *

As they rode in the Jeep, Edward wondered why Roy was taking him to the front lines practically if he was supposedly trying to keep him safe. He didn't want to ask, already seeing his superior was pissed off beyond words. Traveling over the debris of the buildings came to be pretty dangerous as walls suddenly crumbled, steel rods were jutting out all over the place, beams snapped and pointed edges showing; a menagerie of hazards.

They almost hit the edge of a jagged sheet of metal, almost hitting Edward's arm, and he turned to Roy angrily.

"What the hell?! Watch where you're going!"

"Then hold on tighter. I swear, I have to babysit you no matter where I go."

"Are you calling me a child?"

"Yes, I am. You're fifteen years old, Fullmetal, and you've never been to war. This is not a game."

"Do you really think I view this as a game? You're the one who almost sliced my arm off over there and all of a sudden I'm a child."

"I meant that anyone would know not to wear what you're wearing. The blue at least keeps us a little hidden but red is just asking for it. Do you ever think?"

The Jeep swerved with a jolt as Roy avoiding a fallen beam and Edward glared at him again.

"Do _you_?! You keep almost killing me!"

"It's not on purpose. You'd know it if it was on purpose."

"Then why don't you watch the road instead of coming up my ass?"

"You know what you're problem is? You're-"

An unexpected drop on the left side of the car made the Jeep miss the road they were on and they went tumbling down into where a building had been blown in half. Edward held on for dear life, hoping that he wouldn't fly out of the vehicle, and closed his eyes to brace for impact.

* * *

When they finally stopped, he opened his eyes and started coughing from the smoke from the Jeep and the dust in the air.

"Mustang? Mustang? Colonel?" he yelled, trying look through the cloud of smoke and dust.

The fact that he didn't answer worried Edward and he started to move. He hissed in pain as he realized his foot had been struck by a rock on his ankle. *Of course it was the flesh one…* he thought angrily. He braced himself and moved his leg anyway and began to look around.

"Colonel! Colonel, where are you?!"

Finally the smoke was beginning to fade away and he could just make out someone in the driver's seat of the Jeep.

"There you are. Stop ignoring me-"

He stopped when he felt something press against him and looked down. There he saw a steel rod that had been about to hit him if they hadn't stopped where they did. Edward wiped his brow of sweat at missing the object and moved to get Roy out.

"Hey, Colonel, stop ignoring me for five seconds so that I can help you out… Colonel? Hey, talk to me."

He said nothing, so Edward started to slowly climb the rubble to get closer to his superior when the rest of the dust settled and he finally saw Roy. Edward's eyes widened a little as he saw blood dripping from Roy's mouth onto his uniform his head limp as it hung forward. Edward froze, just staring at his superior in complete shock. He finally pulled it together, swallowing hard as he took his gloves off and reached out shakily to Roy's neck to see if he could feel a pulse. He wasn't sure if it was broken but he found a pulse to his relief… it was tiny, but still there.

"Colonel? Colonel, you better not be joking with me. This is no time to be an asshole about war… Colonel? Colonel, _please_ answer me!" he begged, his voice rising a little from the fear.

Still no answer and Edward started to panic. Sure he had seen blood and gore, he had seen the gate rip his brother apart, he'd endured having Truth rip off his arm and his leg, but he'd never actually seen someone die in front of him. At least, not someone he cared about. His mother passed so sweetly and calmly that it was just as if she fell asleep and never woke up. This though… this was _war_ …

Roy suddenly coughed, ejected blood from his mouth as he slowly raised his head up heavily, the heavy skull lolling his head back uncontrollably. Edward made a noise of relief as he began to move the rubble from around his superior.

"You're alive! I thought you were dead, you dirty bastard!" he yelled, trying to keep the hysterical tears at bay.

Roy finally got more control over his head and moved to look at Edward as he cleared away rocks and things that were in his lap. He tried to move but there was a sharp pain in his chest and he looked down.

Edward had been babbling to try and keep his nerves down when he noticed the silence again. He looked up at Roy.

"Are you okay?"

"I… There's…" he said, hardly able to talk.

Edward turned his head a little as Roy looked down again. Edward looked too and finally saw what his superior was looking at. He wanted to cry but he instead gave a warbled smile to Roy.

"You'll be fine, Colonel." Edward tried to reassure.

"Don't try to justify death, Fullmetal!" Roy yelled angrily, blood spattering off his words. "You see it don't you?! If I get off of this, I will die."

"Well we can't stay here-"

"No, _we_ can't. Go, Fullmetal. You have to tell the battalion that we're retreating or innocent men will lose their lives. Leave me here."

"The _hell_ I will!"

"I'm done, Fullmetal…" Roy mumbled, his eyes seeming to drop again.

"Not if I can help it."

"You can't pull the thing out, dumb ass! It's lodged in there."

"Who said anything about pulling it out?"

Edward clapped and before Roy could say anything, he had grabbed a hold of the jagged pipe and transmuted it into a metal flower. Immediately, blood gushed from Roy's chest and mouth.

" _Why_ did you do that?" he asked in shock, looking at Edward as if he had killed him.

"We couldn't pull it out so-"

"Oh… Edward… I _told_ you you're not cut out for this kind of thing…"

"What… do you mean?"

"You just gave me a death sentence."

"What do you… mean?"

"Don't you know anatomy? The pipe was keeping me alive, blocking the blood from leaving me so… so fast…"

As if to prove a point, he vomited and nothing was there but blood. Edward suddenly realized what he had done and his golden eyes widened. He took off his jacket and kicked the rest of the rocks away so that he could lay Roy against him. He wadded up the accursed jacket and pressed it firmly against Roy's chest as Roy grabbed his hands and tried to apply more pressure. It didn't do much, since there was another hole in his back, and Roy's arms were getting weak.

"I'm so sorry, Colonel! Please don't die. Please… Please, I didn't mean to! I just didn't want to leave you here! Please…"

"It's okay, Fullmetal… I know you weren't thinking and just wanted to help me. It's okay…" He gave a bloody grin. "Don't worry."

"I just killed my superior officer because I didn't think past my face!"

Roy reached up lazily and stuck a bloody finger on Edward's mouth to shush him. He smiled at him and cupped Edward's cheek in his hand.

"Such a sweet boy…"

"Wh- what?"

"You're a pain in my side, Fullmetal, but you're a sweet boy."

"Don't talk like that, Colonel."

"I don't think I could ever find someone like you… It was an honor serving with you these past years. I hope you'll get your brother's body back. I'll keep the secret to the grave…"

"Don't say things like that!"

"I won't make it… Fullmetal… Don't do anything stupid while I'm gone, alright? I won't be there to…"

Mustang's hand fell and Edward stared at Roy for a second. He waited for him to finish his sentence. Be there to what? Edward swallowed hard.

"Be there to what? Hey! Answer me you piece of shit! Be there to what? BE THERE TO _**WHAT**_!? Colonel, wake up! Don't leave me here! COLONEL!"

The only response he got was more blood and Edward burst into tears, crying over the man who he viewed as a nuisance, a superior, a savior, and a father. He had killed him, with one wrong childish action, he had killed the man he secretly respected more than anyone in the world.

* * *

 **and colonel roy mustang is no more... good job edward...**


	2. Rubberbands Snap When Pulled Hard

**i apologize for the shortness. SLIGHT ooc-ism.**

* * *

Edward watched as the ambulance zipped up the body bag and winced when the zipper let go and hit the fabric of the bag. He held the accursed pipe-turned-flower in his hand. He would never forget the awful thing he had done. He had wracked his brain over and over again, wondering how he could have been so _stupid_ as to just transmute the pipe, knowing full well that it was keeping Roy alive. He knew it… he _knew_ it. Why did he do it then? He kept asking himself that question over and over again. Why did he just clap his hands like anything usual and take the pipe out of Roy? What the hell was he thinking?

"I wasn't thinking…" he said, looking at the metal flower.

He had a blanket over his shoulders but not that coat. Not that infernal, infuriating red fabric. If it hadn't been for that coat, then they wouldn't have gotten into the argument, and if not for the argument, then Roy would have been concentrating more on the road and not on doing a comeback for Edward's retorts. So many variables that all led up to the demise of the Colonel… although Edward only knew the main reason and it was him. He caused Roy to die. It wouldn't have even mattered if he had waited with the pipe in his chest, the fact of the matter was that he was going to die and Edward caused it. The coat caused it… but he wore the coat…

"Ed?"

Edward looked up as Jean looked at him with a somber expression, his cigarette planted firmly in his mouth. He knelt in front of Edward and looked at him.

"Can you tell us what happened?" he asked softly.

"I killed him."

"Chief, you didn't kill him. The pipe did…"

"If I had left it in then maybe he could have survived…"

Jean shook his head. "The doctor said that it wouldn't have mattered. The amount of time you guys had been out here before Fuery found you would have killed him too. It's not your fault, Ed."

"Tell that to the red coat."

"The… what?"

"The red coat. It's why he died. If I hadn't been wearing it, he would have been paying more attention to the road and then we wouldn't have veered off the side. So… it's my fault all the way around. I came out here thinking I would be fine, wearing that damnable red coat, and then I lost my edge and made a mistake…"

Jean moved his mouth to the side, taking out the cigarette and bumping the ashes off of it. He could tell it was going to be a while before he was able to get anything halfway decent out of Edward. He stood up and walked over to the rest of Roy's subordinates and shook his head.

"Chief's cracked. He thinks it's all his fault."

"Has anyone gotten in contact with Alphonse?" Riza asked, seeming unbothered that her superior was dead.

"I called for him a few minutes ago and I think they said he's heading here." Fuery said.

Breda looked at the forlorn child sitting on his own and then back at Jean.

"What will we do about Fullmetal?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean… do we try and comfort him or what? He's just sitting there so sad…"

"Well, he's never been to war before. He's never seen death up close like this. He's probably in shock."

"Leave everything to Alphonse." Riza said, checking the magazine of her gun. "He will know what to do with him."

Jean and Breda looked at each other, both sensing a different tone in Riza's voice.

"Hawkeye, you okay?"

"I'm fine." She said sternly, shoving the cartridges back into her gun.

The two looked at each other and realized she was quite angry. They'd never seen her act so clipped about Edward whenever he was in his rare depressed moods. She usually always knew how to handle him and would even go over herself and try to comfort the boy. Today, she hadn't looked at him or spoken to him. She even referred to him in the third person, not with his name. Jean could see that she was definitely angry but he was surprised that it seemed like she was mad at Edward.

"Are you mad at Edward?" he asked blatantly.

Breda looked at his friend but looked back at the lieutenant, actually having the same thoughts but afraid to ask. Riza looked at her gun for a second and then at the two second lieutenants.

"Angry can't describe it."

She walked off to talk with the paramedics as Jean and Breda watched her in complete confusion.

"How in the world could she be angry with him? He didn't do anything! He was just scared and couldn't think straight for a second. I mean, hell, I think any one of us would have done what he did!" Havoc growled, taking his nub of a cigarette and stomping on it. "This is idiotic."

"Havoc, calm down. Think about it from Hawkeye's perspective."

"I'm thinking from _Edward's_ perspective. He's just a kid! He's never been in war!"

"But he knows anatomy, Jean… anyone who knows how to read knows that you should never take something out of a wound like that unless you're able to stop the bleeding. You know that, I know that, the Colonel knew, and especially him. He's an alchemist, so it's the basics of learning is anatomy."

Jean closed his eyes a little, getting a little irritated with his friend.

"That's not the point. No one seems to be getting the _point_."

"Then… what point are you getting at?"

"Fifteen and war. That's all there is too it. He's _fifteen years old_ for God's sake! He was scared and just wanted to save the Colonel. He would never do that on purpose. He'd never kill him."

Breda could see Havoc trying to help Edward with justifying the death as an accident and although he didn't blame Edward, he did have to blame the earlier demise of the Colonel by Edward's folly. The death itself, no, of course not. Breda pulled his friend close as Jean finally broke and cried, trying to stay tough but finding it hard to do so.

* * *

Edward watched the officers of Roy one by one lost their hard exteriors and turn into either sobbing children or wiping silent tears from their eyes. The only one who wasn't crying was Lieutenant Hawkeye, who seemed to be able to keep her emotions at bay except for one: anger. He could feel her anger wafting in the wind towards him, hitting him like a gust of wind. He had been fortunate enough to never have to witness that side of his boss' most stoic and yet dangerous of subordinates, but this time he was not in anyone's favor. She was more than just angry but words couldn't describe the feeling.

"That's okay, I deserve it…" he said to himself as he twirled the steel flower in his automail hand. "I don't deserve to live."

He smiled a little and twirled the flower back and forth, watching it turn with great interest. It was quite amusing actually. This little flower, so intricate and seeming delicate, was once a jagged pipe that was shanked through his superior. Edward could see blood dripping from the flower; Roy's blood. He dropped it immediately, screaming a little as he backed away from it. He backed into someone and he looked up, finding another soldier staring at him.

"Mr. Fullmetal, sir…"

Edward moved and wiped himself off but the soldier didn't move. He looked up again.

"Yes?"

"Is this yours?" he asked.

The soldier pulled out his red coat and Edward began to scream.

The screaming caught Jean's attention and he looked over, seeing Edward screaming at the top of his lungs as he backed away from the soldier holding out his jacket, holding his hands over his ears. Jean ran over quickly and yanked the jacket away from the soldier.

"What the hell is your problem?!"

"I-I was just trying to gi-give his coat back…" the soldier stammered, afraid of both Edward's reaction and Jean yelling at him.

"Don't you understand what you're doing?! Get this away from him!"

The soldier grabbed the coat and Jean turned back to Edward, who was scrunched down on the ground, rocking back and forth. He knelt in front of him and touched his head softly.

"You're alright, Chief…"

"I'm sorry!"

"It's not your fault; the soldier didn't know-"

"No! I'm sorry I killed the Colonel! I'm sorry! I'm _so_ sorry!"

"Ed…" Jean sighed, at a loss for words. "You can't keep doing this… You can't keep saying it was your fault. No matter what happened, in or out, the Colonel was already dead. There was no way that he could have survived the climb even if he had the pipe still in him, let alone the journey back to camp and such. You're not the cause of this."

"Yes I am. Red coats are _bad_." He said, finally looking up.

Jean had to keep his tears at bay again as he realized that he lost Edward a long time ago. The eyes looking at him were crazy, traumatized eyes, not the same determined and precocious eyes of his friend beforehand. Something about this whole ordeal caused Edward's sanity to finally snap and Jean wondered if it could ever be mended.

* * *

 **as mentioned, there is something about the ordeal here that's different than any others that ed's gone through. we'll learn more soon!**

 **and riza has her own defense mechanisms and this is one of them. her anger will be explained as well.**


	3. The Paving of Hell's Roads

**so the reason is simple enough but trying to convey that through craziness and trying to understand is hard... so... sorry if it sounds like mumbo-jumbo because it really isn't. ugh, perspective!  
**

* * *

Alphonse watched his brother silently as the older man waited patiently at the table for Edward to turn around. He had crouched down in a corner, swaying back and forth, holding an ignition glove to his chest. All he would say was 'I wasn't thinking' and the man, who Alphonse assumed was the psychiatrist, seemed quite patient with his brother. Finally, it looked as if Edward seemed to snap back to reality, and he turned around.

"Who are you?" he asked, blinking.

"I'm Dr. Chambers. Do you know where you are?"

Edward looked around. "A… room."

"Do you know where?"

"I wasn't paying attention…" He looked at the mirror that was there and turned his head. "But probably headquarters."

"That's correct."

"Why are you here?"

"I'm here to help you."

"I'm fine. I know what I did. I made a mistake and wasn't thinking."

"As you have said before. Are you willing to tell me about it?"

"No." he said, looking at the doctor with an accusing look. "Do you think I'm crazy?"

"I believe you are having a lot of trauma."

"So you _do_."

Dr. Chambers smiled. "It's not my place to tell you that. It is my job to listen to your concerns and help you navigate them. As I mentioned, you just went through a very traumatic experience."

"I wore my red coat and now Roy is dead. I wasn't thinking…"

"I see… Tell me about this red coat."

"It's like blood. It's too obvious." He said with a snort. "That's what the Colonel had said. He got mad at me because I wore it."

"But didn't you always wear it? It was a signature piece of clothing for you, was it not?"

"It was just comfy and I like the color red… well, I _did_."

"But you don't now?"

"Red is the color of blood." He said like the doctor should know.

Dr. Chambers nodded. "That is true…" He opened up a file that was on the table in front of him. "To help you with this issue, I was given access to your personal file. It says here that your mother died and your brother wears a suit of armor due to a… mishap in alchemy."

"Yeah." He said, walking back and forth with the ignition cloth in his hand. "Mishap…"

"Can you tell me about that?"

"It's a secret. I can't tell."

"I won't tell."

Edward made a face at him. "I don't talk to strangers."

Alphonse couldn't tell if his brother was crazy or not. His answers dipped between the two as if his mind was always flickering on the edge of madness but would never fully commit to it. The door opened on his side of the two-way mirror and Havoc walked in.

"How's it going?"

"I'm not sure. Brother is either crazy or he isn't but even he can't seem to figure that out on his own. He goes from babbling to talking normally. He answers the questions but they seem… I don't know…"

"I see…"

"Who gave him that glove?"

"Fuery did. He thought that it would make him feel a little better."

"Thank you… I think you're right."

The two watched on as Edward finally sat in the chair across from Dr. Chambers.

* * *

"You seem smart." Edward said, looking at the man.

"I've been told I can be. From what I've been told, you're pretty smart yourself."

Edward snorted. "The smartest one ever… sometimes… apparently not always…"

"Would you like the talk about it?"

"I already told you!" he yelled, getting up and slipping the ignition glove on. "I wore my red coat and now the Colonel's dead… I messed up… Red is a bad color…"

"What's that in your hand?"

Edward looked at the glove on his hand and seemed to be confused as to how it got there. Then he seemed to remember and rubbed his fingers together, creating the tiniest of sparks.

"These are good gloves. They are not red, so they aren't obvious."

"Are they your gloves?"

"No… They're _his_."

"And… who is he?"

"The Colonel… my friend… I killed him…"

"Why do you say that?"

Edward turned to Dr. Chambers, his eyebrows furrowed hard.

"Because I wore red! Don't you fucking understand?!"

Dr. Chambers seemed to have not a harsh bone in his body (or so Alphonse thought) as he just smiled calmly, not seeming to even jump at the rattle boy's whiplashing emotional and mental state.

"I'm trying to, truly, but in all honesty, you're not being very clear."

Edward seemed surprised at that and blinked in confusion.

"Oh… I'm sorry…" He walked to the table and sat down, the two looking almost civil. "I can't think straight right now…"

"I can see that you're having trouble. I know this is very hard for you and that you're not really ready to comprehend everything that's happened. That's why I'm here. I want to understand what's going on and I want to help _you_ understand what's going on. Will you help me do that?"

"I can try… My mind isn't working…"

"It's working just fine. If you were crazy, you would think you're sane. So far, you've told me twice now that you think you're crazy in a way. Crazy people aren't aware of their insanity."

"Oh…"

"Now, do you know who I am?"

"No."

"My name is Dr. Chambers. You're Edward Elric, right? The Fullmetal Alchemist."

"Yeah, that's me."

"Great! So, let's go through this slowly and as best as we can alright? Your friends are very worried about you."

"Nah, they're not worried about me." Edward said, leaning on the chair.

"Oh?" Dr. Chambers said, looking a little surprised. "Why would you say that?"

"People don't worry about the ones who kill their friends. I know they don't care. The military just wants to double check and see if I'm crazy or not. Since you said I'm not, I guess I committed murder."

Dr. Chambers wrote on his paper and then looked up again.

"How is that?"

"Why do I have to keep telling you?"

"Because what you say doesn't really make sense. You've only told me that it's because you wore red. What _exactly_ about wearing red makes you a murderer?"

Edward was silent as he stopped leaning back on the chair.

Alphonse was tense, waiting for what his fractured brother was going to do. He wished he could just go in there and shake it out of him, tell him to understand that everyone is just trying to help, but he knew that Edward couldn't help it.

Havoc fidgeted beside him.

"This is unbearable…" he mumbled.

Edward leaned on the table finally and rubbed his fingers together for a spark.

"The Colonel said that wearing a bright red coat on the battlefield was a stupid idea because the enemy could see me. We were arguing about it and then he said that I was too young to be on the battlefront and too young for a lot of other stuff. He was pissing me off. So we started arguing… then the Jeep slipped off the side of where a building had been blown up and we fell down it. I was fine but when I tried to get the Colonel out… he… there was a pipe in his chest where he must have fallen on it…" He laughed dryly. "I… I knew I shouldn't take the pipe out. I knew that it would make him bleed more and cause him to die but… I wasn't thinking."

"You say that a lot."

"Because it's all I can think of now…"

"I have your file and it says that you did the taboo and tried to bring back your mother." Edward looked up, his eyes narrowed. "But you were able to transmute your brother's soul into a suit of armor even while you lost a leg and then lost an arm in the process. In the course of a few hours, you performed advanced alchemy that was leveled at someone who'd been studying it all their life, you performed the taboo, lost your brother and lost your arm, then you performed more alchemy on yourself, brought back only a soul, and lost your arm. With all that blood loss and all that confusion, you were still able to save at least a part of your brother… and yet… here…"

"This was different." Edward almost snarled.

"How so?"

"Because he was there!"

"I'm not following you."

"Al was gone, he'd taken him away from me and I wanted him back! There was no way that bastard was going to just rip my brother away from me when it was my fault I talked him into doing that stupid transmutation! It was _my_ fault and I wanted my brother _back_! The Colonel wasn't gone! He was right there! I was going to save him since he was right there but he couldn't move! So to get him to safety, to save him, I had to get the pipe out. But the pipe was too serrated, it would tear him up even more than when it went in."

"But the pipe was keeping the hole closed."

"I KNOW!" Edward screamed. "I remembered! I knew that! But I just wanted to get him to safety! I just wanted to fix what I'd done!"

"Edward, he would have died anyway…"

"No!" he snarled, pointing his finger at the psychiatrist. "No! If I got the pipe out, I could get him to safety."

"But the pipe was keeping the hole closed so that he wouldn't bleed to death."

"I know!"

"Edward, I'm not following you."

The door opened and they looked over as Alphonse walked in slowly.

"I'm sorry but-"

"No, you're not helping. I know what's going on."

Dr. Chambers looked at him curiously.

"Do you?"

Alphonse nodded and walked over to his brother. He was holding his head, mumbling about the pipe when he felt Alphonse touch his shoulder. He looked over and smiled sadly, touching the helmet softly.

"I killed you, Alphonse… I made you go away…"

"No you didn't. You got me back, right?"

"Not all of you… I'm a bad brother."

"No you're not. You're nothing of the sort."

"All I do is make things go away because I can't get them back right…"

"That's not true. I know what you were trying to do, Brother."

Edward turned his head a little.

"You do?"

"To get the Colonel to safety, you knew that getting that pipe out was the best course of action. All you could think of was helping him get out of his predicament. You know how anatomy works, you know what happens if something pierces through the body. You're smart, and I know you know. But you just wanted to save him and that's all you cared about. Pulling the pipe out would rip him to shreds but you could get him to safety if you transmuted the pipe away. Nothing would be ripped and he'd be free. You'd pick him up and get him safe…"

"I wasn't thinking."

"And you weren't thinking the same night you pulled my soul back from the gate either. You weren't thinking when you drew the transmutation circles on your own body, wanting to sacrifice yourself in order to get me back. You were never thinking of anything but the person you wanted to save. You just wanted to save the Colonel, damn the consequences, but you didn't realize that those consequences were on the Colonel this time, not you."

"I wasn't thinking."

"You didn't think he would die. You thought you could get him to safety quick enough. You thought you'd find a way to save him before he died. You didn't think about the consequence of the pipe being gone, pulled through or not. You didn't want him ripped to shreds but you didn't think about it being gone at _all_. He was right there, ready to be saved… that pipe was keeping you from doing it, so you removed the obstacle, ready to rescue."

Dr. Chambers nodded. "I think I understand now."

He got up and walked out the door. Havoc grabbed a hold of him and thumbed into the room.

"You mind paraphrasing that fiasco?"

"All he wanted to do was save the Colonel. That was his only thought. Saving him meant getting him out of the hole and where someone could see them. The pipe was preventing getting him to safety. Pulling the pipe out would cause damage, that he knew, but as he's been saying all along, he wasn't thinking. He wasn't thinking that the pipe was actually keeping him alive, just that the pipe was hindering him from getting his Colonel to safety. It was a lapse in judgment."

"But he could save his brother-"

"That too, was a lapse in judgment. Even then, he wasn't thinking. He wanted his brother back and that's it. Lose an arm, a leg, his body, his mind, he didn't care. Save Alphonse, save the Colonel. Both were just folly attempts at a child trying to play God and doctor. This mistake, though, he will have to live without, since the consequence this time was death with no take backs."

Havoc gulped and looked back at the brothers. Edward was crying on Alphonse's chest and his heart went out to them. He just trying to help and ended up killing his superior. _Even I'd go crazy if I did that…_ Havoc thought.

* * *

 **again, the solution is quite simple: a literal lapse in judgement. but, because edward is so smart (as many have pointed out) he should have known that. that's why he's slightly not all there in the head anymore, because even he can't comprehend what the hell he was thinking type thing. ugh. anyway, more to come. hope that wasn't a fuck up...**

 **or like this: a baby dies after a mother puts the baby in the bed with her. there's no other explanation to have than she fell asleep and forgot the baby was there and she either accidentally rolled over and smothered the child or the baby fell off the bed. it was a lapse in judgement. the mother had full intentions to take the baby out before going to bed, knowing full well the dangers, but her baby was asleep and it was so peaceful and fatigue took over. simple but it cost a life no matter how you slice it.**


	4. Sharp Blades Can Be Too Sharp

**sorry it's short**

* * *

It was still a couple of days before the funeral for the Colonel and Havoc had suggested to Alphonse that they let Edward lay low for a while, giving him some space to come to grips with reality and get back to normal. It would be hard for all of them to get back to what they considered normal but as always with death, it is best to move on than try to continue on. As a precaution, Alphonse decided that he wanted Edward to stay in a place that would monitor him during the night. Dr. Chambers said that he would be honored to watch over him and they made arrangements for him to sleep in a small room that had a two way mirror in it.

* * *

"Why can't I go home with you?" Edward asked, watching Alphonse move the table out of the way and set some blankets down.

"Because I think it would be best if someone watched over you."

"You can watch over me."

"I'm not skilled enough to know if things get haywire."

"But you know _me_ enough, don't you?"

"Of course, Brother. I'm not trying to get rid of you, I'm just worried about you. I don't want to screw anything up."

"I don't think you could screw up anything more than me…" he said, looking down at his hand where the ignition glove was still there.

Alphonse looked at his brother sympathetically (although no one would know) and knelt down to him.

"I don't blame you for anything that was done. You got me back and I am thankful that you saved me. I know eventually I'll get my body back and that it will take time, but for your sacrifice, I would never think of you as a screw up."

Edward smiled a little and Alphonse started to leave.

"Hey, Al?"

"Yes, Brother?"

"You… You don't hate me, do you?"

"Of course not. I could never hate you for what you did for me."

"I meant about the Colonel."

"Oh. No. I don't."

"Thanks…"

He left and Edward stared into the darkness of the room, trying to go to sleep when he heard something crackle on.

"Edward."

Edward sat up and looked over at the two way mirror, finding Riza standing on the other side. He got up and went to the window.

"Lieutenant?"

"Was that all you had to say for yourself?"

"What do you mean?"

"'I wasn't thinking'. Was that it?"

"That's… all there is…" he said, looking down.

"Then I guess you assume responsibility of the Colonel's death."

"Yes. It's my fault." He looked up, looking at Riza. "Are you mad at me?"

"I can't describe what I am right now. I know that I'm looking at my superior's murderer, that's for sure."

Edward was taken aback by Riza's sudden angry nature. She was usually not this confrontational. Sure she got angry and said things, but she was being unusually aggressive.

"I… I didn't mean for it to happen."

"The fall, yes, but the pipe? Come on, Edward! You're the Fullmetal Alchemist! You performed the taboo! You know anatomy more than anyone else in the military! How could you not know how to deal with the way a foreign object enters a body and what happens?! You couldn't have been _that_ stupid all of a sudden!"

Edward stared at her in shock.

"I… I did but… I just… I wanted to save him."

"Look what that did." She hissed.

"Why are you doing this? Why are you here? Are you even really Hawkeye?"

"Yes, I'm really Hawkeye. I'm not a Homunculus if that's what you're referring to."

"Then…"

"I can't accept the way that he was killed. If you had let him die on the pipe and explained anatomy to us, we would all understand. But someone so _smart_ and so _great_ and so _amazing_ suddenly just forgot? I don't buy it for a minute."

Her words were like bullets to his body and he hurt with every one but it was a mistake. He would never kill the Colonel intentionally. He knew that even in his fractured state.

"I didn't do it on purpose."

"Accidentally getting your brother caught in an alchemical reaction, _that_ is a mistake. You pulled the only thing keeping the Colonel alive out of his chest!"

"Everyone says he would have died anyway…"

"So you wanted to rush the progress?"

"NO!" he screamed, banging on the glass.

"Then how will you fix it?"

"Fix it?"

"Yeah. People fix their mistakes. You're going to fix yours, right?"

"How?"

"I think you know."

* * *

"Shouldn't we do something?" Riza asked as she watched Edward banging on the glass.

"He's having a delusional nightmare, looks like." Dr. Chambers said, watching Edward frantically talk behind the glass. "It seems that he's talking to you."

"To me?"

"I don't know, Lieutenant! Tell me! I want to fix what I've done!" Edward yelled on the other side of the window.

His eyes were open as if he were awake but they could tell he was sleep walking.

"Whatever version of me he has in his head is nothing like me." Riza said with a frown. "I mean… I am very upset about the Colonel… so much that I want to vomit, but I would never take it out on Edward. I understand what happened. I've been in war and sometimes even a veteran is taken by surprise. He's just a kid…"

"Most likely his subconscious is using your image to berate him."

"But why me?"

"He saw your face just like we did when we got to the scene, Hawkeye." Havoc said, smoking a cigarette. "You're the closest person to the Colonel and one who really cares for him. Your face was indiscernible that day."

"Because I was in shock."

"But Edward still saw your face. It wasn't hidden very well that day, Lieutenant."

Riza crossed her arms. "Even so, I would never _ever_ say what he's making me say. Obviously I'm in his mind but the words he's saying aren't me."

"Of course not. It's him." Dr. Chambers said. "He's just giving a face to the voice in his head. Rather than downing himself, he's having someone else down him."

Edward suddenly started beating against the glass of the mirror. His automail hand was covered with the ignition cloth but was still starting to crack the screen. The cracks were causing his other hand to scrape across them and bleed. Riza and Havoc ran out of the control room and into the regular room.

* * *

"I don't understand! Tell me what to do! TELL ME WHAT TO DO!" Edward screamed, beating his hands on the mirror.

Riza grinned at him and held up the bloody pipe from the Colonel.

"Find the pipe that you took out of him and do what you have to do."

Edward suddenly started shaking as Riza laughed manically from behind the mirror.

"EDWARD! Wake up! Wake up, Edward!"

He opened his eyes and came face to face with Riza and Havoc. Upon seeing Riza, Edward yelped and scrambled away from the two of them.

"I'm sorry! I didn't mean to! I really didn't!"

"It's okay, Edward… We know…"

"She- She won't stop hurting me…" he said, pointing to Riza.

She walked over to him and put her hand on his shoulder.

"Edward, that wasn't me. That was some twisted version of me your head made up. I understand what happened…"

Edward watched her for a second, trying to piece everything together. After a moment he realized that this was the real Hawkeye, a kind face and sympathetic eyes. He swallowed as he tried to regain himself.

"You… you were so mean…"

"I would never do that to you, Edward. It was your mind playing tricks on you."

"D-do you think I murdered the Colonel?"

"No."

"Okay… okay…" he said, running his fingers through his hair.

"You gonna be alright, Chief?" Havoc asked.

"Yeah, I'll be okay…"

"Your hand is bleeding. Let's get something to mend that, alright?"

He nodded and they waited for Havoc to return with gauze and bandages.

* * *

The rest of the night was better, after realizing who was who, but Edward couldn't sleep. He was afraid to go to sleep and had insomnia at the same time, lucky for him. He played with the ignition gloves, making them spark as he rubbed the material together. As he did, he caught a glimpse of his bandaged hand, the redness from faded blood still there.

"Spark." He said, suddenly realizing something.

He rubbed his fingers together again, creating a bigger spark. He smiled a little and then looked up, looking in the deepness of the dark.

"Spark of life… I must fix my mistake."

He got up and looked at the two way mirror. Since it was lit up on the control side, he could see Dr. Chambers, Riza, and Havoc had all fallen asleep. He smiled and pulled off the ignition glove to stick in his pocket. He clapped his hands and opened up the door and then melted the doorknob to the control room.

"Spark of life." He said again, a grin on his face. "I can fix my mistake."

* * *

 **oh my, what are you going to do now? poor thing can't catch a break**

 **and i'm sure a lot of you were like wtf with riza. haha, fooled ya.**


	5. Not Crazy, Just A Little Insane

**someone had mentioned that edward should have never been able to leave and that it was unprofessional (or something) that dr. chambers was asleep. this is how that happened as i said I would explain *thumbs up***

* * *

 **12:00am** – Dr. Chambers, Hawkeye, and Havoc all were awake and watching over Edward to make sure that he was alright for the morning to come.

 **12:30am** – Havoc fell asleep as he leaned back on the wall in the back of the small room. Dr. Chambers and Hawkeye talked discursively about helping Edward and hoped that this was a good idea. Dr. Chambers noticed that Edward was not asleep.

 **1:15am** – Hawkeye finally fell asleep, leaning on the chair arm as if she was looking out of the window but her eyes were closed and her breathing was even. Dr. Chambers sighed, knowing that now he was all alone in watching over Edward and making sure that things were going well. Again, he noticed that Edward wasn't asleep and that he was making small sparks with the ignition glove on his hand. Dr. Chambers hoped that the boy would stop mulling over his thoughts and fall asleep.

 **1:20am** – Dr. Chambers yawned and leaned on the console of the other room, watching as Edward flicked sparks in the darkness. They were soothing… they were intriguing…

 **1:25am** – Dr. Chambers' eyes got heavy and he breathed in, shaking his head to try and stay awake. All three of them couldn't fall asleep. He understood the other two, since they had gone through as much of a trial as Edward, but he was the doctor. He had to at least keep sight of his patient. Dr. Chambers glanced at the door and remembered that it was locked.

 **1:27am** – Dr. Chambers nodded off.

 **1:28am** \- Edward had something to do and with all the adults unaware, he was going to go and fix his mistake. He left the room through transmuting the door open and then made sure to melt the doorknob to the room that went to the other side of the mirror. He didn't need someone to stop him.

 **1:30am** \- Dr. Chambers jerked himself awake.

* * *

Dr. Chambers jerked himself awake and looked into the room where Edward had been. Upon not seeing the sparks, Dr. Chambers turned the light off in the room he was in and turned on a small light in the other room to check on Edward and make sure he was sound asleep. When he did so, though, he found that the covers were strewn and Edward was nowhere to be found. Panic ripped through Dr. Chambers.

"Lieutenant Hawkeye! Lieutenant Havoc!" he yelled, shaking the two.

They both woke up groggily but Hawkeye was the first to wake up fully.

"What is it, Doctor?"

"Edward is not in the room."

The two looked into the room and saw what Dr. Chambers meant. Hawkeye went to the door to leave but couldn't turn the knob. She tried again and again but it wouldn't budge. Her eyes widened and she looked at the other two.

"He locked us in."

"It's all my fault." Dr. Chambers said, looking like he was going to cry. "I dozed off when I shouldn't have. I can't believe I didn't try to stay awake…"

"It's not your fault, Doc." Havoc said. "I mean, we all went to sleep. Some watch party we are."

"But where is he going? Why doesn't he want us to follow him?" Hawkeye asked.

"For all our sakes, let's just hope it's back to his brother."

* * *

Edward walked down the hallway of the facility, humming a small tune as he looked around for a second. A scientist looking woman walked out of a room and upon noticing Edward, stopped.

"Is there something I can help you with?" she asked.

"Where are they keeping the stuff from Colonel Mustang's case?" he asked professionally.

"Um, I'm not authorized to tell you that."

"Oh, I see."

He didn't say anything else and just kept going, leaving the unhelpful woman behind to be unhelpful somewhere else. He was on a mission and it included something vital to the Colonel's death. As he walked along some more, he ran into another scientist.

"Could you please tell me where they are keeping the items in regards to Colonel Mustang?"

"Oh, that weird metal flower and the red coat? I think it's down the hallway in one of the rooms on the left. I remember seeing a red coat being carried by someone a few hours ago… Who are you working for?"

"I'm with the military."

The man suddenly seemed suspicious.

"Why… would the military have someone here so late?"

"I was set up as a guard for the Fullmetal Alchemist and just got orders from my superiors that they needed to take a better look at that flower."

The man looked torn but Edward was putting on a very convincing face, no hint of craziness or lies in his golden eyes.

"I see. Well, that's where I saw it so knock yourself out, sir."

"Major, please." He said.

"Sorry, Major…"

The man left and Edward started looking for the evidences in the hallway.

* * *

After a couple of minutes, Edward finally found the door he was looking for and stopped abruptly. There, on the table was the source of all his woes and the death of the Colonel. _That infernal red coat…_ he growled in his head. He breathed in, ignoring the anguish he felt over what that coat had caused, and walked to a shelf that had some drawers in it. He opened them up and began to look inside when he finally found the one he was looking for. He pulled out the metal rose and looked at it, eyeing the blood that was still there.

"I can fix this." He said, leaving the room.

* * *

Alphonse was tidying up the apartment a little, not being able to sleep, and wiped down the bookcase when the phone rang. Alphonse waited for a second before he answered it but it rang again and he picked it up."

"Hello?"

"Alphonse, this is Lieutenant Hawkeye."

"Hello, Lieutenant, why are you calling so early?"

"It's Ed… he's escaped."

Alphonse wished he could frown. "Escaped? How is that possible? Weren't the three of you watching him?"

There was silence on the other end.

"I regret to say that we all fell asleep at our posts and Edward slipped out without our knowledge. Dr. Chambers said it wasn't but a second for him but by that time, he had left the room and locked us inside of the other room."

"He trapped you inside?"

"Yeah. We're having someone come and get us out right now but Edward isn't here with us. Do you think you might know where he went?"

Alphonse tried to think. "Not that I'm aware of. From what I saw, he wasn't even coherent enough to make a solid decision. I mean, he was talking normally but even Dr. Chambers can tell you that he wasn't exactly _there_. I really don't know what could be going through his mind."

"Well, we're stuck here for now so would it be too much to ask to try and find him? I'm calling the others to start a search party as well but since you're his brother, I thought you'd like to know."

"Thanks, I'll do that."

Alphonse hung up and looked out the window in the kitchen.

"Brother… where could you be?"

* * *

Edward looked at the crude directions he had drawn himself and finally found the place. He looked at it, frowning, but went around the back and unlatched the door at the base of the building. He crawled inside and looked around. He saw the one labeled 'Major General Roy Mustang' and went to it. He breathed in, preparing himself, and thrust open the coffin lid. There, a shell of the man he used to know lay there, lifeless, pale, and stiff from embalming fluid they used to preserve him.

"Oh my, it looks like you're in the wrong place, Colonel. Let me help you."

Edward clapped his hands and touched the coffin, making it into a small wagon of sorts with a handle. Edward grabbed the handle and began to wheel the Colonel out of the funeral home. Since the proprietor of the funeral home seemed to out, Edward used this to his advantage and pulled the Colonel right out the front door.

"Don't worry, Colonel, I'll fix it. I always fix my mistakes… I _know_ I can because I can think clearly now. I'm smart, so I know I'll get it right."

He hummed happily as he pulled the wagon along the lonely roads of Central, never a care to what he had done or what would come.

* * *

 **and our crazy little edward is going to do something most likely unethical. but it's okay, he's thinking clearly *rolls eyes***


	6. I Just Can't Keep Hanging On

**haha this chapter was like smoking crack... i hope it sounds halfway decent...**

* * *

"Come back to me, Colonel."

As if everything were flying by in a car that was going too fast, the only thing heard was that very saying. There was a lot of blue and a lot of red, a lot of glowing lights that weren't regular lights, dashes of gold, and screams as primal and as sad as any ear could handle to withstand. There were lots of muffled noises and a strange clanking noise… What was going on?

* * *

"NOOOOO! NOOO! LET ME GO! LET ME _GO_!" Edward screamed in the darkness of the warehouse.

Riza and Havoc never knew that little spitfire could be so strong but they never thought that he would be so _crazy_.

"Edward, you know you can't do this! Get your head together!" Riza growled, trying to keep a hold of his metal arm.

"My head is fine! Let me go! LET ME GO!"

"Brother, we can't do that! You stole a _body_ and attempted to do the taboo again! You need help, Brother!" Alphonse wailed, wishing he could cry the tears that his soul could never release.

Seeing Edward looking like a crazed animal just broke him, if a soul could break. Edward was fighting tooth and nail against Riza and Havoc, pulling them practically back over to the Colonel's body.

Finally, with one tremendous roar, Edward yanked his arms from the two officers, making them fall to the ground from the momentum, and Edward clapped his hands, running to the circle he had made. He landed hard, hurting his flesh wrist, but it was on the circle and it glowed bright and shining. All anyone could do was watch as the transmutation circle enveloped the body in an eerie glow.

The shining eventually stopped and the warehouse went black again, a faint pulse of light coming from the transmutation circles used in the process. Edward waited with bated breath, wondering if it worked. Everyone else stared at either Edward or the Colonel, waiting for something. After a few moments, a choked cry erupted into the emptiness of the warehouse and Edward curled into a ball.

"No…" he said pitifully, the sorrow and pain echoing in the agony of the word.

Alphonse walked over to him and knelt down, touching his shoulder softly.

"Brother…"

"Come back… Come back to me, Colonel…"

"Ed-"

"COME BACK TO ME, COLONEL!" he screamed, although his tears overcame him and he finally wept like a child.

Riza and Havoc both looked just as heartbroken for him as he was of himself. They all knew that the Colonel couldn't come back but telling Edward that was like telling a child that they aren't old enough to do something when they are so insistent that they can…

Alphonse picked his brother up, cradling him like a child, as Edward trembled in his arms.

"I'm not alright, Al… I'm… I'm…"

"It's okay, Brother. I won't leave you and we'll work on this together, alright?"

He walked past everyone as Riza looked over at her former superior when her eyes widened and she grabbed Havoc.

"Tell me I'm seeing things." She hissed.

Havoc looked to where she was looking and his eyes widened too.

"Holy shit…"

Alphonse turned and almost dropped his brother.

"Brother… you… you did it…"

Edward looked up at him and Alphonse looked back at him quickly.

"Brother, he's _breathing_!"

Edward looked over and looked at what everyone else was staring at. Roy's face was _definitely_ turned to the side of his own accord as opposed to center and looking up, his eyes were half slits, but _definitely_ open, and his chest was going up and down where he was _definitely_ breathing. Edward scrambled from Alphonse's arms and ran to his superior, sliding next to him.

"Colonel! It's me! Can you hear me? Are you alright? Say something…"

Roy's dry black eyes slowly shifted upward to look at Edward and he blinked. Edward was ecstatic. Blinking was an automatic motion and so was breathing. If that were the case then that meant that his heart was pumping. He ignored the grayish-death tone of his colonel's skin, the hardness of where the muscles underneath had stiffened, and the grisly scars of where the pipe had been, to put his hand over the Colonel's chest to make sure of a heart beat. He waited for a moment when he felt a small flutter and he laughed slightly in relief.

"I… I did it… You came back to me…"

Roy just stared at him and Edward smiled until he realized that his body might work but he could just as well be brain damaged from being dead. He would put the Colonel out of his own misery if that had happened and he decided to test the theory.

"You probably won't be able to speak for a second so just blink for me. What's two plus two?"

Roy didn't do anything for a second and Edward's hopes started to crumble. After a few moments, when Roy didn't give a 'blinking' answer, Edward swallowed and was about to tell them to admit him to the crazy house when Roy's face seemed to scrunch, just barely. Edward snapped his head back as Roy's eye twitched and then he closed both eyes tightly. Edward watched as he opened them back up and blinked rapidly to get his eyes into focus and then moved his eyes to look at Edward.

Blink.

Blink.

Blink.

Blink.

Four.

The answer.

Edward beamed and turned to everyone.

"HE'S ALIVE!"

Alphonse walked over to him as Riza took a more cautious approach to her 'resurrected' Colonel.

* * *

Edward quickly began explaining how he knew that everything was well with the Colonel to Alphonse as Riza stared at the body. There was no doubt that the gray-death pallor was starting to fade into more of a pale color and he was breathing, but she wouldn't believe it until he was up and walking. He seemed way too calm for someone who had been dead, full of embalming fluid and a wound that was technically still fresh but also rotted at the same time. The pipe wound had only been sewn shut, not examined and cleaned and looked at. But the remnant of the charred transmutation circle that was drawn on Roy's chest may have helped with that.

Riza wasn't an alchemist, even though her father was, but she didn't know a thing about it in context. She was told to stay away from it. She knew it was taboo to try and bring back someone who had died, that much she knew, but she had no idea that if the process were successful, what it would do to such a body.

"Brother!"

Riza looked up at the two from her thoughts as Alphonse grabbed his brother away from Roy as his body seemed to jerk in a weird way. Edward watched in awe and fear as Roy spasmed and then a harsh scream came from the man. His face contorted, trying to get all the pain out in one rush of air from his lungs, but instead he gurgled and turned over, vomiting on the ground. What came out was… atrocious. The smell was enough to kill a village and everyone in the room put their hands over their mouths and noses to protect their olfactory glands. Riza put both of hers over her mouth as Edward held his metal one over it.

Seeming to suddenly animate, Riza turned to the soldiers behind her.

"We need to get the Colonel to the hospital at once."

"No! You can't do that." Edward said, turning to her.

"Edward, what do you want me to do? He has been dead for _days_ now. We can't leave it to nature to keep things on course. I mean, he was just brought back to life."

"Then why would we take him to the hospital? They'll only ask questions after they see he's died."

"Then what do you suggest? He's going to need to recover-"

"Ed… ward…?"

Edward turned as Roy tried to turn himself over from vomiting and he ran to him. He cradled him in his arms as Roy's eyes seemed to start focusing. He looked up at Edward and he made a face at him.

"What… happened…?" he rasped.

"It doesn't matter! I'm _so_ sorry, Colonel! I'll never wear my red coat out on the battlefield again! And I know now… I know that… that you can't take pipes out like that. I know that… I really know…"

Roy was confused (then again, _everything_ was confusing) but it wasn't until he saw a strange glint in his subordinate's eyes that he questioned everything that was happening right at that moment.

"Edward… what did you _do_?"

Edward smiled. "I fixed my mistake… I… I did it…"

" _What_ mistake?" Edward didn't say anything and Roy glared at the boy. "Edward, what's going on?"

"I… think I should answer that, Colonel." Riza said, walking up.

He tried to loll his head back on Edward's arm to see past his shoulder but for some reason the task was quite difficult. Riza cleared her throat a little and breathed in.

"I regret to inform you that due to the severity of the wounds you suffered, you um… you _died_ , sir." Roy's eyes widened. "And… now you're not."

Roy looked back at Edward, who was smiling at him.

"You… you did the taboo?"

"I fixed my mistake." Edward said firmly.

Roy was going to dig into him more when pain from every section of his body encompassed him and he let out a scream that would make a banshee proud. Surprised, Edward let go of him, making him land hard on the ground from the small ledge he had been on. This caused another scream and another round of disgusting vomit. Edward backed away from the Colonel as he emptied his stomach of chemicals, rotten insides, and blood. When he was finally done, Roy stiffly turned over to sit on his haunches, his back to the ledge as he breathed shallowly and tried to catch his breath. He looked at Riza as she stared at him in apprehension and he lifted his arm up to her, motioning for her to come to him.

"My chest…" he said, pointing. "Look at it…"

Even though she didn't want to, Riza nodded and went over, opening the slightly closed clothing he had on. The pipe wound was oozing coagulated blood through the stitching and Roy was shakily trying to catch his breath.

"The… the original wound is only sewn shut, sir, not completely mended. It's um…"

"That explains a lot…" He looked around Riza's shoulder at Edward, who was watching in confusion, fear, and anticipation. "Get the hell away from me…"

The words pierced through Edward like the pipe had done his superior. The sentence went through him as if they made up a spear and Edward felt his mouth open in surprise and then tears welled up in his eyes. _He's… he's **angry**?_ he thought in confusion.

"Colonel-"

"I _said_ , stay the hell away from me."

"But I-"

"You had no right to play God, Edward! No right! It's just what I told you before! You're a child in a game that can't be twisted to your whim! War happens; _death_ happens. You aren't allowed to change that."

"But… but I made a mistake!" Edward wailed.

Roy started coughing hard again and Riza directed the rest of the soldiers to come and help her as Edward stared at his hands in confusion. He had set the matter right, he had gotten the Colonel back from the dead… what more did they want from him? He had done more than any other person in the world could say… and yet Roy was _mad_? Tears blurred his sight as he looked at the soldiers helping Roy up and the pain his superior was going through.

Edward suddenly became afraid, realizing he had performed the taboo in front of so many people, so many witnesses to a crime that really had no punishment. He had gone against the laws of nature to fix his mistake that had cost not only him but others so dearly, but he had gone against everything he had been taught. _"You had no right to play God."_

"I just wanted you to come back…" he said softly.

Havoc looked over at him. "What?"

"I just wanted him to come back… I just wanted to fix my mistake… I… I just…"

Havoc turned to him as Edward looked up at him and Havoc instantly knew that whatever Edward's little mind had been holding onto was gone.

"Oh, Chief…" he breathed as Edward laughed a little and put his hands to his face.

"If I bring the Colonel back then everyone will back happy? Right? Right, because I'm smart. I do smart things. I make things work again. I fix stuff. Alchemy fixes all sorts of things… I… I fix things… If Al's body were here, I could fix him too. Because I did that mistake. I killed him. I killed the Colonel, I killed Alphonse… Wait… Maybe the Colonel's right… Maybe I'm just a child… Children can't do grown up things. Nuh uh, they can't. Nope… Right?" he asked, looking at Havoc. "Right?"

"Edward…"

"I… I can't… I fixed it but I broke it. I did it at the same time. You can't do that! No, you can't do weird things like that. Everyone will *hate* you. Yeah… the Colonel hates you, Hawkeye hates you, and Alphonse _especially_ hates you."

Hearing his name, Alphonse turned his brother.

"Brother?"

Edward looked up at him as tears trailed his face and he backed up.

"I know you despise me but I couldn't get you back without a body. He's jealous of what you've done for the Colonel. I know!"

"Brother?"Alphonse asked, fear in his voice now.

"You know what you have to do when you make people mad, right? You have to hide. They all saw you and they all know what you've done. The Colonel hates you too, for doing something so unethical and taboo and _disgusting_. I was fixing my mistake. Keep saying that but no one will protect you from the Fuhrer's judgment. Run. RUN!" he screamed, bolting at the same time.

"Stop him!" Havoc yelled but he was too late.

The kid was past the guards and out the door.

Riza walked back from taking care of the Colonel's arrangements.

"Where's Edward?"

Havoc turned to her, anger in his eyes.

"He fucking shattered in front of me and bolted out the door."

"Shit… Send a search party."

Havoc nodded as Riza breathed in, wondering what she could do about the strange events that seemed to be unfolding in her lap.

* * *

 **the issue is that edward was already teetering on that psychological edge with roy's death but then when roy got angry with him, his fragile psyche pretty much just shattered. that's why he's arguing with himself when he realizes he did what he did but the issue is that he fixed his wrong and got the colonel back but he did something even more unethical and now he's a wreck because he can't come to grips with everything that's happened, espeically roy's vehement rejection of him.**

 **more on that later. not many chaps to go so... yeah...**


	7. Nothing Like Tapdancing On A Landmine

Riza wrung her hands nervously, something she didn't normally do in a situation like this, but things were all over the place. Edward was missing, having snapped and ran off to do who knows what; Alphonse was in complete disarray, not knowing if he should stay with Roy in case something happened or go and find his brother; Roy was in surgery due to the pipe wound that wasn't closed up properly; Havoc was trying to get a search party as well as swear everyone to secrecy about the situation…

The door opened and Riza looked up, standing. The doctor came out, a gruff looking man that Roy knew of who wouldn't ask questions. He looked at Riza quickly and assessed that she was the one to speak with.

"Let's just say I didn't see you guys, I never heard of you, and I don't know a damned thing about human transmutation, taboos, or unprofessionally sealed up pipe wounds. He's in the clear though." He added as if a trifle of an aftermath.

Riza's anxiety melted substantially as she sighed in relief.

"Is he available for guests?"

"I'd give him an hour to sleep off the anesthesia but by then he'll be fine. Also, tell that bastard that when I 'owed him a favor', I was not expecting this. So now _he_ owes _me_ a favor to keep my mouth shut."

"What is it? I'll let him know."

"That would be for me and him to discuss. But he's fine. He'll live… again."

Riza nodded as Havoc walked up to her.

"I have everyone under death threats, demotions, and terminations in regards to keeping this a secret. I told them that you know all of their names and if any hint of this gets out, you will go back to your Ishavalan days as a sniper. Did he give you any information?"

"He said the Colonel's in the clear." Havoc let out a sigh of relief. "He will be available to talk to in about an hour after the anesthesia wears off. Go tell Alphonse that the Colonel is fine and to go look for Edward."

Havoc nodded and found Alphonse, who was looking out the window.

"Al?" He turned as Havoc smiled. "Hawkeye said that the Colonel is good to go. It would be better for you now to go and look for Edward. I'm sure there's something we can do when we get him back. Maybe he and the Colonel can talk it out-"

"You don't know Brother." He said softly, the echo in the armor making it sadder than it should have sounded. "He sacrifices himself for those he loves. He doesn't care about himself, just the person he's saving. I know the Colonel was just being the Colonel but saying what he said… Brother is _never_ going to be able to be right again."

"All the Colonel has to do is apologize, right?"

"He's more complicated than that. He was already on such a thin rope but he was willing to give up everything for the Colonel. Knowing he would have given his body and soul for him and then having the Colonel just reject him like he did? All it did was bring him back to the issue that happened with the pipe: he knew but he wasn't thinking. He thought bringing the Colonel back would make everyone happy -make _him_ happy- but all it did was cause more heartache and shattered my brother…"

Havoc sighed when he noticed someone walking to them.

"Dr. Chambers…"

"I wanted to formally apologize for what happened. If I hadn't dozed off for those few seconds, this all wouldn't have happened. I'm taking myself off of the case due to my inability to help your brother. Please forgive me, Mr. Elric." He said, bowing low to the armor.

"Although that's nice of you, Brother would have done it no matter if you had been asleep or not. When he's determined to do something, he does it. His mental state didn't help but drive that passion about him…"

"Well, the next task on our list if to figure out where he might have gone. Dr. Chambers, would you help us? With your permission, Al."

Alphonse nodded and Dr. Chambers pointed at himself.

"Me? You still want me to help?"

"You were very patient with Edward and we will need it again. I appreciated how you truly wanted to understand what drove him to do what he did. I think this time you'll be able to help us more."

Dr. Chambers smiled a little. "Well… then of course I'll help."

"Great. I'll let Hawkeye know that we're heading out to search for Edward."

* * *

Roy opened his eyes slowly and started looking around. He realized he was in a room and the pain in his chest was almost unbearable, but he was alive.

He was… alive.

He was alive?

Upon realizing that yes, he was most definitely alive, Roy struggled to sit up but a firm hand grabbed his shoulder.

"Oh no you don't. You just had surgery."

He turned to see Riza standing there and squinted his eyes at her.

"Hawkeye?"

"That'd be me…" she said, sitting down as he laid back. "Are you alright?"

"As good as I can be… Where's Edward?"

She didn't answer for a second but breathed in deeply.

"He ran off, sir."

"Why?"

"Well… um…" He stared at her in confusion. She made a face at him. "Do you not remember what you said?"

"Not 100%... I just remember vomiting and the pain, really…"

"So you don't remember telling him to stay away from you?"

Roy thought for a second. "I remember that vaguely… Did I tell him he wasn't God or something?"

"You told him he had no right to play God and that he was a child."

Roy lifted his hand and wiggled his fingers.

"He _is_ a kid. Dumb idiot did the taboo _again_. What did he lose this time?"

"Nothing as far as we're concerned… unless sanity is a sacrifice?"

Roy snapped his head back to her. "What are you talking about?"

"He hasn't been stable since the issue with the pipe and then he did what he did and when you said what you said… he snapped. He's run off somewhere and we don't know where."

Roy frowned. "He's… crazy?"

"I don't know anymore. Before he seemed more at war with himself. He was mad for not thinking but he knew it was an accident. This time though… Havoc said his sanity was gone when he looked into his eyes before he left. He said Edward said something about him fixing it and breaking it at the same time and I think he meant you, sir. He fixed you but he did the taboo, he brought you back which was supposed to be happy, but you were mad. His mentality was too fragile for it…"

"Then shit, I gotta find him." He said, moving to get up.

Riza grabbed his shoulder again.

"Oh no you don't. You're going to recover."

"Hawkeye, my subordinate is out there in a mentally unstable state and I'm the one who caused it. I have to go assess the damage and fix what I've done."

"And now you're sounding like Edward, sir. Let us handle it and when we get him back, we'll let you see him."

"That's not going to work, dammit."

"That's how it's going to _be_ , dammit." Riza snarled, practically slamming her superior back into bed. "What can you do in your state, huh? You came back from the dead and now you practically had open heart surgery in a clinic with minimal instruments. At least your friend knew what he was doing or you'd have been dead _again_. You've got a _lot_ of recovery to do and running after someone who is tipping over the edge of lunacy is not going to help the situation one bit."

Roy pouted as he crossed his arms and Riza sighed, sitting back down.

"Please let us handle this. He's so fragile… you don't know how much you mean to him. We know you didn't mean it at the time but to Edward, what you said hurt more than you realize. If you let us handle it, we can bring you together better, alright?"

"Fine."

"By the way, the doctor said you owed him now."

"Oh jeez…"

* * *

Havoc, Alphonse, and a couple of soldiers were prowling the streets for Edward, calling his name and knocking on doors.

Edward, on the other hand, was watching them from the grates in the ground to the sewer tunnel. He watched them walking around and calling for him, his brother's echoing voice sounding so worried.

"I'm here…" he whispered but he shook his head. "No, I can't. That's right. If you show your face they will kill you. But I want to let them know I'm alright. If you do then no one will be able to help Alphonse get his body back. Yeah… I have to get his body back…"

He jumped down from the grate and walked the edge of the sewer.

"Where do I go? You have to go back to the Colonel. Why? Because that's not the Colonel." Edward stopped. "What? That can't be the Colonel because he would never say something like that to you. Yes, he would, he's always like that… wait… no… wait… See? You can't even figure out if he's been like that before. How pathetic… I'M NOT PATHETIC!" he screamed, turning around.

He hit his head a little in confusion.

"Stop it! Stop saying those things. How can I stop it when it's what you're thinking? You know it's not the Colonel because the Colonel would have seen that you were upset and understand that he shouldn't say those things to you. He would be observant. Whoever that was wasn't observant, was he? No… He wasn't. So that means he's not the Colonel. You have to fix your mistake. I don't want to fix anymore mistakes. I'm a bad person… I'm a bad brother… A bad person doesn't sacrifice himself to get someone back but you brought back the _wrong person_. You can't let that happen. You know what happens when a soul is in the wrong type of body… Yeah… Yeah… So that means you have to fix it. Yeah… Lemme fix it again… Fix, fix, fix I'm always fixing something…"

* * *

Alphonse jerked his head a little and Havoc turned to him.

"What is it?"

"I could have sworn I heard someone yelling." He ran to the sidewalk and listened for a second. He pointed to the grate. "I think Edward's down there."

"In the sewers?" Havoc got on his hands and knees and listened. "I think you're right…"

"Who is he talking to?"

"Himself." Havoc got up. "He did it right before he ran off. That's when I realized too late that he was bonkers. I wish I knew what he was saying or where he was heading. I'll take some men down there myself and track him down. Al, go back to the place where Ed had the Colonel. I think he might try to get back there."

"Mmm!"

Alphonse ran off as Havoc directed the soldiers to the manhole.

* * *

Roy opened an eye and saw that Riza was sound asleep. He pulled back the sheet and quietly unhooked himself from some of the machines that he was attached to. Luckily, they were not hospital grade so they didn't cause a disturbance when he unhooked himself. He went to the closet and opened it up quietly, pulling out some clothing. He grabbed his military boots (which someone had kindly cleaned for him) and tiptoed out of the room. He looked down the hallway and went into the bathroom to change his clothing. Once done, he started to go down the stairs when he heard Breda and Fuery talking and he realized his only escape was the window. He headed towards it when he heard someone clear their throat. He looked behind him and saw that it was the doctor.

"What do you think you're doing?"

Roy put his finger to his lips. "Shut up…"

"Not until you tell me what you're doing."

"I have to go find my subordinate."

"You're in no shape to do that."

"It's my fault he's out there."

"And it's his fault you're in here."

"That's why I have to find him. You don't know this kid… He's a great kid that would do anything for anyone but I screwed him up."

"From what I've heard from the rest of your crew he was already screwed up."

"It doesn't matter. Just let me go and find him."

"And did you think climbing out of a two story window was going to give you that ability? There's nothing to hold onto and you would just jar the stitching and then die again. Where would be the good in that?"

"I don't know… I just have to find him."

"Then go out the front door." Roy looked at him. "I know you and you won't stop so just go out the front door. I'll tell your people that you're alright."

Roy smiled and walked past him.

"Whatever you want from me, I'll do it." he mentioned on the way out.

The doctor made a face as he followed him down the stairs.

* * *

 **oh dear, edward has got the wrong idea again. stop listening to yourself! so far it's done nothing good! oh well, crazy little people go do crazy little things tra lala...**

 **for the record, roy is roy but because he got yelled at his psyche is like you f-ed up again when he really didn't. ah sanity...**


	8. As The World Falls Down

**it's a bit short but packed with lots of... stuff...**

* * *

As Alphonse headed back towards the warehouse Edward had resurrected the Colonel in, he was surprised to see said colonel on the sidewalk in front of him.

"Colonel?" he asked slightly.

Roy turned to Alphonse slowly and smiled tiredly.

"Hey, Al… I was hoping not to run into you."

"You… _didn't_ want to run into me?"

"No."

"Why?"

"Because I thought you'd be pissed off at me for what happened with Edward and/or go into your Mother Hen mode and tell me to go back home."

Alphonse put his hands on his hips.

"I'm not a mother hen!"

"You do it all the time to Fullmetal-" He coughed and shivered. "I don't have time to really talk."

"Are you going to the warehouse then?"

"Are you?"

"Lieutenant Havoc and I heard Ed down in the sewers and he thinks that Brother might be heading back to the warehouse."

"That's what I thought as well…"

Alphonse looked at his weak superior, who was barely holding on to the wall of the building, and sighed.

"Colonel, will you let me carry you?"

"I don't need-"

"You just got your wound worked on properly and expelled a lot of nasty chemicals from your body. It's also trying to revive and destroy at the same time. You're exhausted, Colonel."

Roy was going to deny the offer again when he felt his legs give out on him even though he was on the wall. He was weak but he had to get to Edward…

"If you have to carry me, do it now." He grumbled.

Alphonse smiled and picked up the Colonel. Being off of his unreliable legs helped Roy focus on other things at hand, like finding his subordinate.

"Can I ask you something?" Alphonse asked.

"Anything."

"Why did you say that to him? Why did you tell him to get away from you?"

Roy made a face, remembering but not at the same time.

"I was in a limbo state and very confused. In all honesty I can't remember much but I know that I'm the one that caused it."

Alphonse shook his head. "He was already a little crazy before but was coming to terms with it, or so we thought. Something made him think of doing the taboo and bringing you back."

"What did he do, trade his sanity for my soul?" Roy growled, thankful, but not at the same time.

"He said that it was able to work because you hadn't been dead that long and your body was available. He used your blood from the pipe and made the epicenter of the transmutation circle out of it. He said that by doing that, it allowed a smooth transfer of your soul back to your body. In essence, he did the same thing he did to me but just with your own body. He's attached your soul back in."

"But what did he sacrifice? I mean, if he sacrificed his sanity, he wouldn't remember about it."

"He didn't sacrifice that. I don't know what he sacrificed. Rest assured, it cost him _something_."

"But _what_ is the issue…"

"We need to find him and make sure he's alright."

* * *

Edward coughed hard, vomiting and watching blood pool beneath him.

"You did this to yourself. Shut up. I know what I did and I was happy to do it. Too bad it was for the wrong person. It wasn't! Stop saying that! But it's true. No, it isn't! Stop twisting my words! I'm not twisting anything of the sort. Your sacrifice is in vain and now you're paying your price."

Edward tried to ignore the literal voice of reason but the puddle of blood in front only added weight to the already delicate subject matter. He had sacrificed much for his brother and mother. Truth decided his leg was for his mother and an arm for his brother but this time, Truth wasn't as kind and demanded something else for such a large trade-off that really could be denied. Truth had told him that since the soul was going back to the original body and Edward had created a loophole by using Roy's own blood to act as a conduit of finding his correct soul, the price would be much more than arms and legs.

Edward shivered violently and could no longer hold himself up as his body plopped right into the pool of blood, staining everything crimson.

"Red is a bad color…" he whispered. "It stains so well and stands out too much… I'm cold…"

* * *

Havoc met Alphonse and Roy at the warehouse, coming up from the manhole to go to the sewers.

"Havoc? What the hell are you doing?" Roy asked.

Havoc looked at his superior in confusion as to why he was there but shook it off and pointed.

"We heard Edward in the sewers but told Al to go ahead of us to the warehouse, where we figured Ed would be."

"Oh…"

"What are _you_ doing?"

"Sneaking out."

Alphonse suddenly shivered and turned to the warehouse.

"We need to hurry, I feel like something bad is happening."

They went headed for the warehouse entrance and Alphonse put Roy down. Roy grabbed Havoc's shoulder for support and Havoc grabbed his superior before he fell over.

"Easy there, Colonel…"

"I'm going in first…" Alphonse said, looking at the door.

"Be careful."

Al nodded and went inside.

* * *

There was nothing unordinary about the warehouse like last time until he spotted Edward in the far corner of the room. He gasped and ran to him, falling at his side.

"No! Brother!" he yelled, reaching out to grab Edward.

Edward's eyes fluttered open slightly but it was obvious their weight was too much for even that muscle to handle.

"Al…"

"Brother, what's going on? What have you done?"

"Done?" he asked, seeming very confused. "Nothing…"

"Then why are you in a puddle of blood?!"

"Oh… that… it's a bad color so I took it out."

Alphonse stared at him for a moment as reality was starting to dawn on him.

"You… took it out?"

"Yeah… I had to."

"Wh- why?"

"So the Colonel could be saved. I got the wrong person back but… I have to pay the price."

Alphonse looked at the carnage and then back at Roy who was being helped in by Havoc.

"Your price for the Colonel was… was _you_?"

Edward smiled brightly, a sad and lonely smile that was mixed with pride.

"Yeah… Please don't be… be mad though. I tried to give my life for you when I wanted you back but Truth just wanted my arm. I would have done this for you too, Al. Please don't be mad… Please…" he said softly, tears beginning to fall. "I didn't mean to sacrifice so much but… but I wanted to sacrifice it for you. I would have _gladly_ given every part of my body to get you back and safe but… but your body was gone! He would only give me back your soul!"

"It's okay, Brother!" Al said, wishing he could at least cry. "I know you would have sacrificed everything. I _know_ that…"

"I'm so cold, Al!" he said fearfully as he shivered.

Alphonse was about to grab him when Roy got there instead and pulled Edward out of his own blood, cradling him in his arms.

"Fullmetal, you stupid, stupid idiot."

"You're not the right person. I'm so sorry you were put in the wrong body…"

"It's me, Fullmetal. It's really me. I'm sorry I said what I said earlier but I was just scared and confused and not in the right frame of mind."

"I saved you!" he said happily, coughing just after that and blood coming from his mouth. "I saved you and I won't ever wear red again. I promise."

"It's okay. That's over now…"

"I'm really sorry!"

Roy cradled Edward in his lap and rocked back and forth with him, touching his forehead to Edward's.

"I'm here, Fullmetal. I've got ya…"

"I'm scared." Edward whispered.

"Don't worry, I'm right here."

Edward swallowed a little and knew his time was ending.

"I just wanted you to come back… I just wanted you back…"

"And I'm right here. I came back just for you."

Roy knew Edward was about to fade and pulled back to look at him as Edward reached up to touch his face.

"Come back to me…" he whispered.

"I don't follow your orders, you've got it wrong." Roy said, trying not to cry.

He touched Edward's face and he smiled.

"I know… but do it just once. It would mean a lot."

Roy pulled his hand away to deepen Edward's touch, the tears falling now.

"I'll always come back to you."

"Promise?"

"I came back from the _dead_ for you. What makes you think everyday life will stop that?"

Edward smiled weakly. "Take care of Al for me."

"Of course."

"Brother, you-"

"Don't worry… I didn't forget you. I could never forget you, Al."

Alphonse didn't know what he meant by that but this couldn't be the end. There was so much that he and his brother had yet to see. So many things left to do…

* * *

Edward's eyes started to droop closed and Roy shook him.

"Hey, open those eyes. We have lots to do."

Edward didn't respond and Roy swallowed a little. He shook him again and Edward's heavy eyelids moved slightly to look at him.

"Don't you dare go now. Stay awake a little longer and we can get you to the hospital."

Edward didn't say anything but lolled his head onto Roy's chest.

"I'm glad I got to meet you, Roy. You were like a father I never had. Thanks… I'm gonna take a nap, okay? Wake me up later… so… we…"

Roy felt Edward's head get heavier against his chest just when a loud clanging sounded from behind him.

"Al!" Havoc yelled. "Alphonse?! Where are you?!"

Roy didn't hear much after that as he looked at his lifeless subordinate.

 _"Come back to me, Colonel." – that's all you asked from me… Why can't you ever do the same?_

* * *

 **ugh, probably the saddest ending I've done on here except the REACTION one but i think this is sadder.**

 **there is an epilogue so not quite done yet**

 **and yes, his sacrifice for mustang was his life partly because he found a loophole for him. the other part is secret... truth is a weird dude (or whatever) and i'm sure truth liked the irony of edward coming back a third time but was not thrilled with the loophole that edward did due to some of the knowledge truth gave him. so, the EE for that would be that edward would die, taking that particular knowledge with him.**


	9. Epilogue: Pass Away and Carry Me Home

**roy is a bit ooc but seriously, can you blame the dude?**

* * *

Alphonse looked around and realized he was in his body. He saw Truth sitting there with that shit eating grin on his face and his brother standing behind the white apparition.

"Brother!" Alphonse called, reaching out to Edward.

"Tut, tut, little man." Truth said, blocking his view. "Me and Blondie made a deal."

Alphonse was confused. "Deal?"

"I told you that I wouldn't forget you." Edward said softly, looking up at his brother.

Alphonse made a face. "What are you saying?"

Truth grinned. "You'll see."

* * *

Roy held Edward tightly in his arms, rocking back and forth but not crying. He refused to cry. He had caused everything by being so caught up on something so stupid. _Why did I ever care about that damned coat of his? It wasn't **that** problematic…_ he growled to himself, kicking himself over and over again for causing the issue.

"Sir, Alphonse's soul is gone!" Havoc said, coming to his superior.

Roy looked at Havoc slowly and Havoc sighed, knowing how difficult everything was.

"Colonel, I'm so sorry about Ed. This shouldn't have happened the way it did. To think he would sacrifice his own soul for you… I thought you said there was nothing equivalent to a human soul and that's why it was forbidden."

Roy looked at Edward's face, so stupidly at peace.

"Fullmetal had said that he found a loophole because my blood was used to create the focal point of the alchemical circle and my soul was going back to my actual body, not just the things that make up a body. Even when he was crazy, he was smart." He said with a humorless laugh.

Havoc nodded sadly and then jumped, startling Roy.

"Something's happening."

Roy looked down and saw that Edward was starting to pixilate away, as if going through a rebound. He looked over at the array that was still where his body had been and saw it was glowing. He stared at it and felt Edward's body become lighter as he was pieced away into the array.

"No! No, you can't!" he yelled, looking at the dead child. "Edward, what else did you do?! ANSWER ME, DAMMIT!"

"Colonel!" Havoc yelled, grabbing his superior when he tried to follow Edward's body. "You'll get sucked in too!"

"He did something dumb again! I want an answer!"

"He's _dead_ , sir! You can't do anything about it! Whatever he did, it was probably for a good reason!"

"Giving up his soul for me wasn't a good reason!"

"He did it to right his wrong! He thought he was doing a good thing. He was an emotional wreck after what happened and he thought he could fix it. Whatever is happening now was something to help. I just know it!"

The array stopped glowing and Roy fell to his knees. He'd lost not only Edward's life but his body. He didn't even have anything to remember the kid by. Finally, Roy could take it no more and burst into frustrated tears in front of Havoc. He cried like a child who was just understanding death for the first time. He cried like a baby. He cried like someone who had failed at everything in life.

Havoc hated seeing his superior like this. He pat Roy on the back and rubbed it softly, not knowing what to do. Roy never got like this so there wasn't a way to comfort him properly in Havoc's book. Finally, Roy sat up and wiped his tears away, sniffling.

"I'm sorry…" he said softly.

"Why? You had every right to cry."

"Take me back to the doctor… I… I don't want to be here."

"Yes, sir…"

Havoc helped his superior up and led him back to the doctor.

* * *

Later that night, Havoc walked outside to smoke a cigarette. He tried to calm his nerves from what had happened inside but it was proving to be very difficult. It was difficult for his hand to make him take a puff of the cigarette in his fingers, the shaking making aim almost impossible.

Finally, he let himself break down, putting his hand over his eyes and crying. He had held it in all night as Roy recounted what had happened but Roy's pain meds were leaving him and rerunning the emotional goodbye broke him once more, leaving him in the arms of Hawkeye as well as in tons of pain from the surgery. Someone had to be strong and Hawkeye was taking care of Roy, so Havoc had to be the one. He did it perfectly, just like Roy taught him…

A rustling sound made Havoc look up. It happened again and he put the cigarette in his mouth to grab his gun. He walked over to it just when it parted and someone fell onto the ground. Havoc pointed his gun at him and the frail kid struggled to lift his torso off the ground. When he did, Havoc made a face as the kid smiled in relief.

"Lieutenant Havoc…"

"Who are you?" he asked.

"It- it's me. Alphonse…"

Havoc blinked in surprise. "Alphonse?"

He put the gun up and helped 'Alphonse' up. He looked into his eyes and realized without a doubt that the kid _was_ Al.

"What the hell? How are you here?"

"Brother… did some finagling…"

Havoc felt something wet and looked at Alphonse's arm, where it was dripping blood from the shoulder where the rest of his arm was completely missing.

"Your arm…"

Alphonse only smiled. "A small price I had to pay."

"Let's get you inside. With everything that's happened, I think the Colonel will be glad to see you."

"Good, because I have a message for him from Brother."

Havoc helped Alphonse into the doctor's house, wondering what Edward did to accomplish not just one miracle, but _two_.

* * *

 **and the mystery will always be there! this is the end and thanks for reading. sorry about the cliffy but, eh, we need them. thanks so much for the support and reviews!**


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